Be Yourself

"To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing it's best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting," are words written by poet ee. cummings.

The wisdom of these words can be applied to almost any battle. I find them appropriate at this stage of my weight loss journey and take them to mean that I might be trying to push myself into a mold that really wasn't made for me and there is no way I will ever fit. Like many of us, I have been brainwashed into working toward a goal which may actually be unattainable.

Is there really any ideal weight, any ideal body? Will my arms ever be Michelle Obama toned? Will my thighs ever not jiggle? My tummy absolutely flat? I think it's time to reevaluate my goals. What is right for me? Will I know when I've reached the point where I am happy with myself, with my body, my weight? I've always dreamt of being thin, of walking down the street, holding my head up high and being proud of how I look. Can't I do that now?

Being just six pounds from my goal, I look like a thin person. I could fool almost anyone into believing I am thin. But I don't fit the image in my mind. So I think it is time to take a second look, time to learn to be happy with what I have accomplished, to appreciate how I look. My current battle is with my own perception, I need to stop fighting to fit into the Tyra Banks, Barbie doll, Victoria Secret molds. Watch this video and see how what we are striving for isn't even real. Perfection doesn't exist.

How will you know when you have reached your weight loss goal? Is it just a number or is it more than that?

Photo Tag!

I've been tagged by Patsy at Musings on a 100 lbs+ Weight Loss Journey.

Here are the rules of photo tag:

1. Go to your first photo file and pick the 10th photo in it.
2. Tell the story behind the photo.
3. Tag 5 other people to do likewise.

This is a photo of one of Yoko Ono's notorious art projects, the Wish Tree. It was taken in November 2008 in one of the trendy plazas I stumbled upon while wandering around the streets of L.A. Twenty-one myrtle trees were filled with white tags on which people had written their fondest wishes. Outdoor tables held baskets of blank tags and pencils, so without hesitation, I sat down and wrote my own wish.

And That's No Lie!

Since many of you have been waiting with bated breath to find out the truth about me, here it goes:

1. True. I did live in a thatched roof beach house in Samana, D.R. It was a self-sufficient, island paradise where I lived out a dream.

2. True. If the Jefferson County Fair counts, I did win a blue ribbon for my Black Forest Cheesecake. It was a rich, creamy indulgence, now a distant memory. Boo hoo.

3. True. My first taste of real food was actually chocolate. I can't really blame my wonderful mother for giving in to my longing looks as she was enjoying a Hershey Bar. She caved in and let me lick her fingers. Although I gave up Hershey's for the "good stuff", I went on to become a card carrying chocoholic.

Crash Course in Accepting Compliments

The truth finally hit home today, I don't know how to accept a compliment. My boyfriend mentioned this several times and I dismissed it as just another one of his complaints but today, when my hairdresser exclaimed at how much weight I've lost, I poo-pooed it as no big deal. Being the outspoken Trinidadian she is, Debbie set me straight. "You should be proud of what you've accomplished, girl," she said in her typical Caribbean style. And she is 100% correct.

So I ask you, since you are slowly becoming thinner and more lovely ever day, do you know how to accept a compliment? Do you feel good having people tell you how terrific you are looking, or does it make you a tad uncomfortable. Just as we look in the mirror and still see fat (no matter how many pounds we've lost), maybe deep down we somehow feel that we don't deserve such compliments.

Love the One You're With

Why is it we all want to be someone we're not? It seems that we are never completely satisfied with our original packaging. I've always wanted sleek, shiny straight Pantene hair instead of my unruly curls. Brunettes wonder what it would like to be blonde. Short people might want to add a few inches to their height. Small breasted girls resort to padded bras or silicone implants to become more well endowed. Bald men want hair. Noses, ears, bellies and eyes are all subject to our own harsh scrutiny. Why is it we are rarely satisfied?

Well, all of us plus sized people long to be thin; billion dollar businesses have profited from our plight. But the thin people, those skinny Minnies you see at the gym - what do they long for?

BOOTY POP!

The Kidnapping of Miss X

Hello world. My name is Miss X and I desperately need to tell you my story. All I ask is a few minutes of your time. The whole thing began while hanging out with my friends, minding my own business. A strange woman with curly brown hair happened along and completely changed my life as I knew it.

You need to know that I've been thought of as classy and stylish and rather well put together. I was used to being lusted after until "she" came along and ended it all, from complete freedom to utter insubordination in the ca-ching of a cash register. I was snatched from my home and forced to live in a Florida condo. OK, so the condo was pretty nice but I was frequently stuffed in a dark, cramped place with the other kidnap victims. Pretty brutal treatment after being so admired and displayed.

My Scale is a Dirty, Rotten, Lying Scoundrel

My scale definitely is a he, so now I leave my nightie on when weighing myself in the morning. He can't be trusted to not peek. I don't want him seeing my chubby body for fear he might decide I weigh a bit more than I did previously. After all, he isn't such a nice guy. In fact, he's a dirty, rotten, lying scoundrel. He'll whisper sweet nothings to me one moment (145 lbs.) and a few hours later takes back those cherished words (147 lbs.) It's more than frustrating, it's downright unfair!

Be Your Own Valentine

Valentine's Day. Hearts. Flowers. Love. Sigh.

Whether you have a valentine or not isn't important. What is imperative is that you love yourself. So in preparation for Valentine's Day I want you to make a list of all your lovable qualities.

If you have trouble coming up with them, let me help you begin:

• Your sense of humor.
• Your caring and sensitivity to your family, friends and, of course, your weight loss buddies.
• The fact that you made the decision to lose weight and are sticking to it (even if you have an occasional set-back).